The Wesleyan Ampersand: 10/9/11 - 10/16/11

The Wesleyan Ampersand

This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

10/11/11

& 1996

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Matisyahu Confused by Interest in Matisyahu

In an exclusive interview with the Ampersand on Tuesday, moderately successful post-Hasidic reggae artist Matisyahu expressed confusion rega...
Meet JONATHAN BUTTST, the new editor of the Ampersand!!

Jonathan is most inspired by the comedy of Andy Griffith and Ellen Degeneres, but basically wants to be Jay Leno when he grows up. In his...
A More Open Letter to President Roth

It was the summer of 1953. I was a pimply, lustful freshman. She was a worldly senior, my chubby broad. It all started when one of my nipple...
Maxturbate

In order to ensure that recreational activities don't get in the way of squeezing the most out of every millisecond of your life from no...
An Open Letter to the Current Occupant of My Old Dorm Room

So you got thrown in Clark 403, huh? Cool story, bro. I lived in that room frosh year, and let me tell you: as long as you snag enough perox...
College Endowments

Above: The endowments of prominent liberal arts colleges, in millions of dollars. Wesleyan President Michael Roth said of his university’s m...
Kids Gain Right to Vote (ONLINE X-KLUSIV)

A break in the Congressional session amid a debate over America's voting age may have created a rare window of opportunity for kids in t...
WesFest Calendar

12:00 AM – ??? Naked Arm Wrestling Battle Royale For Waitlisted Students Meet other waitlisted students. Fight to the death. Location : The ...
The Nazis Are Behind it All

The Nazis have infiltrated Wesleyan, I swear. The truth is dangling in our faces like a gilded crucifix, but we’re all too busy being indie ...
A Letter From My Parents

Dear Colin, We won’t be there for parents’ weekend. It’s not that your stepfather Gordon and I wouldn’t love to be there—you know what huge ...

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