By Daniel Witkin
Vermin Supreme
Campus has seen a spike in viruses that, like Banquo’s ghost, bring your sick secrets out of your stomachs and into the light. That’s right, you sick children have been eating poop.
The Davison Health Center would like to take some measure of responsibility for the matter at hand. "We thought you young scholars could keep your hands away from your butts. We were wrong: there’s an outbreak of fecal-oral disease, and you all got it by eating poop."
Vermin Supreme
Campus has seen a spike in viruses that, like Banquo’s ghost, bring your sick secrets out of your stomachs and into the light. That’s right, you sick children have been eating poop.
The Davison Health Center would like to take some measure of responsibility for the matter at hand. "We thought you young scholars could keep your hands away from your butts. We were wrong: there’s an outbreak of fecal-oral disease, and you all got it by eating poop."
On onset of gastroenteritis may
be gradual or very sudden, some-
times waking students from sleep
with a bout of vomiting and nausea,
accompanied in some cases by head-
ache, dizziness, sense of temperature
disequilibrium, and fatigue, and in
all cases by a well-deserved sense of
shame potent enough to affect even
those of you unscathed by doing on
Saturdays what we know you do.
Although it really should go without saying, please attempt to refrain from gobbling shit during this time.
Although it really should go without saying, please attempt to refrain from gobbling shit during this time.
This is a preventable illness and
we’d like your help in limiting trans-
mission, although it’s going to be
quite difficult if you kids are going
to insist on eating poop. In the absence of such common
sense, Wesleyan’s Davison Health
Center has decided to shame those
afflicted by releasing in this article
a list of those whose bodies should
be avoided:
FUCKING DISGUSTING, page 4
FUCKING DISGUSTING, page 4
