This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Relationship Polling (ONLINE EXCLUSIVE)

Groan Chomsky is one of the great trivialinguists of our time. Among his most influential contributions ot the field are the Theory of Chillwave (Chomsky, 2009) and a statistical analysis of the PokéRap (Chomsky, 2001). Recently, however, he has turned his attention away from the Collegiate Cultural Cannon and toward the rhythms of everyday life. He studied the adjectives used by a cohort of female college sophomores when describing their significant others. He then interviewed them three months later. This is what he found: