This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


College Endowments

Above: The endowments of prominent liberal arts colleges, in millions of dollars.

  • Wesleyan President Michael Roth said of his university’s modest endowment: “It’s not about the size. It’s about how you use it. And girth is more important than length.”
  • Vas Deferens, the Master of Bates, described her college’s endowment as “a chode.”
  • Tufts has managed to develop a firm endowment that extends well above its tufty origins.
  • WILDWill, a student environmental group at Williams College, advocates devoting a higher percentage of the college’s substantial endowment to sustainable manscaping practices.
  • Amherst and Ohio Wesleyan were considering becoming “sister” institutions, but the relationship ended up being more physical than emotional.