Authorities uncovered a highly disturbing Tumblr.com account this weekend, which they believe to belong to President Roth.
Titled “Roth Has Smiles,” the blog features extensive photography of Roth smiling in various locations around both his house and the globe.
“We’re not sure what could have driven him to this point,” explained Director of Media Relations David Pesci. “But we’re all hideously appalled.”
President Roth could not be reached for comment; he is thought to be busy practicing smiling while performing various gymnastic stances in his office in South College.