This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


An Email from Joshua Boger, Chairman of the Board, Regarding Michael Roth’s Contract Extension

On March 1st, I sent out an email to the Wesleyan community announcing that Michael Roth’s contract has been extended for another seven years. Many faculty and student assumed that we meant seven more years of President Roth, but this is not the case. We apologize for the lack of clarity in our previous message.

I was referring to Michael Elias Roth, the chimneysweep who cleans the Usdan chimneys every other Sunday. Over the course of his illustrious seven-month career, Mr. Roth’s dedication and sticktoitiveness have garnered the attention of the administration and we feel the urge to reward him. When we began hiring for various staff positions at the university, we never knew we’d see somebody so enthusiastic about—and also so skilled at—a job that seemed, at least to us, so depressing.

But when we first interviewed Mr. Roth for the job, we knew right away that we were in for a treat. Roth has a kind of “whistle-while-you-work” demeanor that evokes the spirit of Bert from Mary Poppins. His passion for chimneysweeping is truly inspiring, to the point that community members have even commented.

In addition to the contract extension, Michael Elias Roth will also be receiving a new email address: