This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


A Word From the Editor on new beginnings

While searching the internet for videos of puppies vomiting, I came across a prophetic pop-up ad that predicted my theme for this week as “new beginnings.” I had no idea that the holy spirit was so plugged in, but I’m glad He found my browser. I’ll tell you, this week has been nothing but new beginnings. Like yesterday, I bought a totally new pack of gum. I’ve also been highly critical of middles and endings, as a matter of principle. To really squeeze the subject, I’ve started leaving class ten minutes-in and not finishing my. In writing creative pieces, it’s refreshing not to bother with plot lines or paragraphs, those cinder blocks that help drown Narrative.

Here’s a short story I wrote yesterday.

He was born with a mild heart murmur, which worried his parents. But there he was, surrounded by fifty clowns in a back alley. Their smiles had menacingly bright colors and unrealistic length, which added to the chill he got from the presence of that many masked entertainers. Just then, his cell phone started vibrating. He installed a new ringtone the night before, but it did him no good because he just ruined his pants and would die alone.