This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

9/29/09

The Weekly Convo

An argument between Foss Hill and the Andrus Frield Bleachers


Bleachers: Yo, Hill, you excited for the Tufts opening game this weekend? Its going to so sick, brah.

Foss Hill: Dude, how many times have I told you: I don’t like sports. All I want to do is lie here, smoke my herb, and take in this beautiful campus. But NO, I have to endure looking at your tiered metal ass 24/7, “brah.”

Bleachers: Yo, Andrus Field is the oldest football field in continuous use – I’ve got the same right to be here as you, buddy. I provide comfortable, firm seating for hundreds of spectators.

Foss Hill: Newsflash, Bleachers: This is Wesleyan. No one cares about football. Besides, I offer plenty of seating myself.

Bleachers: I don’t know if you knew this Hill, but we’re in America – everybody loves football. And you ain’t got back support, dawg.

Foss Hill: Okay, here. Let me help you understand where I’m coming from. What if someone…lets say Claude Monet…painted a beautiful picture entitled Sunset over Beautiful College Campus and gave it to you. Then, some drunk jerk uses the canvas as toilet paper, wiping his ass with the center of the frame. Now when you look at the picture, there’s still a suggestion of the same magnificent sunset, but with the conspicuous addition of turd.

Bleachers: Yo, I just can’t believe someone did that to your painting. Party foul, man.

Foss Hill: Its an analogy. There was no painting. You’re the turd that encrusts my figurative Monet.

Bleachers: Dude, you need to lighten up. This isn’t even about me. Its about you and your bad attitude, Hill. You’re just a cloud of negativity.

Olin Library: Could both of you shut up, please? I’m trying to study here.