This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

2/5/10

The Editor Talks To Himself

This week, I was retrospectating. Then I wrote a letter to me in 8th grade. A rough time in my life, I got through it mostly by finding things to mastrubate with. And now, the letter to myself, the young artist:
Davey Wavey,

You’re much cooler than like one or two other people in your school. I mean that, those kids are fucking losers. You stopped playing Magic The Gathering, which is a good start. The next thing you need to master is playing with fire because people will respect you.

Start doing drugs, while playing with fire. Two great tastes that taste great together. Fire and drugs. Like chocolate and drugs, or video games and drugs. Next, buy all your clothes from Walmart. Use some of them as kindling for arson. Don’t commit arson, but talk about it a lot.

Lastly, come up with a better nickname for yourself.

Sincerely,
Dave’n Dirty