This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Amanda Palmer Visits Campus, Joins Cheese Co-Op for Nostalgia’s Sake

Amanda Palmer ’98 wasted no time reliving her carefree college days last Friday: within an hour of arriving on campus, the Dresden Dolls’ frontwoman had signed up for the Wesleyan cheese co-op “just for nostalgia’s sake.”

“This really brings me back,” reminisced the performer, sampling fresh Cato Corner Farm “Womanchego” cheese on the lower Usdan couches, tapping her foot along with a Buru Style practice session. “Ah, college. Those were the days.”

“I was sitting right here in Usdan when I wrote ‘Coin-Operated Boy,’” Palmer added, sighing in delight. “Moodle was down that day, so I opened up GarageBand and wrote most of our first record.”

Palmer also insisted on a visit to her old freshman year room, Fauver 208.
“She just barged in when I was trimming my back hair,” said current resident Matt Timmons’ 15. “Like, kinda lame.”

According to Timmons, Palmer excitedly took credit for a stain in the room’s carpet.

“That was me!” Palmer reportedly exclaimed. “I spilled my Mojito Mamba Odwalla there in 1995!”

“Like, no,” Timmons clarified. “I splooged there.”

“Fuck the Pussycat Dolls, man,” Timmons shrugged.