This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Megaupload Shutdown Wreaks Havoc on Russian Lit Department

According to sources close to the department, Wesleyan’s Russian Literature faculty is still reeling from last week’s shutdown of by federal prosecutors. The popular file- sharing service, which is accused of costing copyright holders over $500 million in pirated sales, has been integral to departmental operations since late 2006.
The Life and Times of Stern Angus, Akron Police Department
“You know, it’s just how I teach,” explained department chair Natalia Chichikovsky. “You think I actually went out and bought Anna Karenina when I could just leech that shit online?”
According to Professor Chichikovsky, drawbacks of the system are minimal.
“There was a bit of trouble when I realized that the whole last chapter of Hero Of Our Time was missing and replaced with the rape scene from Lolita,” Chichikovsky added. “But, you know, most freshmen didn’t even seem to notice. I think.”
Today, Chichikovsky spends most of the workday refreshing Megaupload’s URL fruitlessly from her third-floor office in Fisk Hall, mourning the loss of a remarkably rich literary heritage
in Wesleyan’s course offerings thanks to one federal shutdown. Privately, though, some suspect that members of the department may have had a hand in bringing about the raid.
“I knew Professor Gogolstoy shouldn’t have organized that IP attack on 4chan or downloaded all that erotic Brothers Karamazov fan fiction,” explained one Russian Lit professor who spoke on terms of strict anonymity. “But, that chapter with the Zosima/ Dmitri/Katerina threesome was totally worth it — I mean, what? No, that wasn’t me.”
In related news, Introduction to Experimental Music has been postponed indefinitely until someone can convince Professor Alvin Lucier to pay money for Vespers.