This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


“Hola” From Abroad: The Infinite Vacuum of Space

By Keelin Q. Ryan
Potato Correspondent
I am pleased to report that my study abroad experience is, as of this writing, a success! Life outside of Wesleyan is exciting, but boy is it different!

Adjusting to this new climate has been tough; my bone density is decreasing rapidly and I’ve been experiencing some nausea, although I suppose that’s to be expected with my new diet. The food is so different here! My favorite meal is probably “Dried Apricots X510,” although “Corned Beef Sandwich ZZ5” is surprisingly good, especially if you warm it up. They also have American food like pizza, but it’s usually served in cubes. Weird!

The locals here seem pretty friendly; yesterday, one of them attached themselves to my face for a couple of hours. Now my stomach feels strange! My immediate reaction was alarm, but I guess it’s my fault for not learning enough about the local customs beforehand!

My fellow students seem cool, except for my host brother, Hal. He keeps being like, “Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?” And I’m like “I’m going to take a nap.” And then he’s like, “I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going.” TMI, Hal!