This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.
Brendan O’Donnell Inexplicably Acquainted with Every Prefrosh
Sources close to universal friend Brendan O’Donnell ’14 are at a loss to explain how the sophomore CSS major is already friends with approximately 100% of the Wesleyan Class of 2016.
“Brendan’s always been a pretty friendly dude,” explained friend and fellow CSS student Bill Biebe ’14. “But how did he just bro-hug every prefrosh at Schmooze with the Jews?”
O’Donnell was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing, reportedly being engaged in simultaneous conversation with Danforth Franklin ’16, Amanda Steinberg ’16, and four porpoises presently residing in Usdan’s Multi-Porpoise Room.