This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Slavei Concert Arouses

Slavei’s Valentine’s Day concert in the Memorial Chapel was inappropriate to say the least.  The erotically exotic sounds of Salvei’s Eastern European repertoire had an unexpected effect on the audience: in time with the foreign ululations and pulsations, multiple members of the audience spontaneously undressed and did sex to one another in our university’s most holy building.

Boris “The Woofer” Vladivostok ’14, known for his impressive Mongolian tonsil flicking abilities, observed, “I didn’t think my woofing would make others woof too.” 

Though shocked by the audience’s behavior, Slavei continued performing. Baritone Alexei Leningrad ’12 reports that the sexual acts were in no way the group’s intentions. “We had no idea people were going to enjoy it this much,” said Leningrad. “I always thought harmonic dissonance was kind of a

Alto Yuri Dubra ’13, however, was unfazed. “I am not surprised,” he said. “I do it to Gregorian chants all the time.” 

World music is clearly rising to prominence, from two person pregames to fraternity parties. Beta has planned a Naked Gregorian Chant party for the near future. “People can’t get enough,” said Biff Nud ’14. “I got this A$AP Rocky vs. Jgupi Qorali mash-up on permanent repeat.” 

The university will certainly take more precaution next time Slavei performs. “This Rusky Red Pinko Commie assault on decency caught us with our pants down,” said one Public Safety official, “as did the return of that naked dude from the Dink-583 MuHo concert.”