This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Did You Know? Historical Oscars

   As Hollywood’s Biggest Night approaches, one question on everyone’s mind is: “What does Oscar mean in Gaelic?”

Oscar is a name of Irish descent meaning “deer-lover,” and boasts a four-star rating on While I am not friends with any Oscars, there are 22 Oscars on Facebook with whom I share at least one mutual friend. Shout-outs to Mr. Oscar Condor (Does TGI Friday’s pay well?) and Mr. Oscar Ody (Your cover photo of clouds makes you seem like a dreamer).

Perhaps the most well-known Oscar is Oscar the Grouch, a character on the iconic children’s television program Sesame Street. Canadian musician Oscar Brand claims that he is the namesake of this “misanthropic” being. While this may or may not be true, Wikipedia provides us with this key piece of information: “Regarding his species, he is a monster.”

Let us not forget author and playwright Oscar Wilde, a man almost as famous for his wit and innovation in literature as for his gayness. As Wilde once said, “A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” That political sentiment is enough to makes the girls go Wilde. Am I right, ladies?

We cannot escape mention of Wilde Oscar, a retired English porn star best known for starring alongside his wife Nici Sterling. He is known to have called her “the star in the family”. Aww, Wilde, don’t be so “hard-on” yourself. Oscar won the 2001 AVN award for Best Supporting Actor in a Video for West Side, but the award was revoked following charges that the film glorified gang violence.

Lastly, we turn to Oscar Mayer, everyone’s favorite Tone Loc lyric from the timeless anthem Funky Gold Medina. The lyric, as I’m sure you’ll remember, is “I don’t fool around with no Oscar Mayer wiener.” Oscar Wilde would have disagreed.

So which of these fine candidates is the namesake of THE Oscar, that is, of the Academy Award itself? That knowledge would take away from the movie magic; sorry! As boxer Oscar De La Hoya once tweeted, “Good night everyone and believe me there is light at the end of that tunnel.”