This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


LaundryView Pretty Slow Over Spring Break

Like many students, all Chester Peeves ’14 wanted to do over spring break was to see his friends, relax, and catch up on all the laundry viewing he missed while mired in his demanding academic schedule.
“With no classes to speak of,” Peeves recalls, “all I wanted to do was spend all day in my pajamas, eating delivery pizza and viewing laundry on the revolutionary new LaundryView monitoring system. But like nothing happened. I waited all day and like one guy did a load of laundry and he didn’t even dry it.”
Julia Tanets ’12 agrees. “All through midterms,” she bemoans, “I eagerly anticipated showing my home friends the revolutionary new LaundryView monitoring system. I built it up so much, but when we finally broke out the wine and got the projector to work, there was hardly any laundry to view at all. Now everyone thinks I’m some sort of neo-minimalist perv.”
“Just seeing all those empty washing machines on made me want to rush over and wash a hot load of laundry,” admits Conrad DeLazaro ’12. “Unfortunately, I was stuck in Venice with my Mom who does all my laundry for me and doesn’t even tell me so I can watch. Now the revolutionary LaundryView monitoring system is better than ever, but I’m busy with my stupid thesis.”
In this world there is no respite for those who burn with longing.