The Wesleyan Ampersand: The Turducken: a culinary example of Maximization

This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

1/26/10

Posted by PGelly at 4:18 PM

Roth Commences Midlife Crisis

The Chevy dealer’s lips gleamed with sweat as his bowels fluttered with excitement. He always got diarrhea after a big sale. The w...
A Few Final Exam Questions

The Ampersand knows that exams are stressful, forcing students to draw from their innermost reserves of perseverance and Adderall. To that ...
College Endowments

Above: The endowments of prominent liberal arts colleges, in millions of dollars. Wesleyan President Michael Roth said of his university’s ...
Wesleyan Film Mafia Terrorizes Stars

“They forced us out of our seats,” sobbed Greg Kinnear at an Oscars after-party. “The women all wore brass knuckles, and Joss Whedon was...
Maxturbate

In order to ensure that recreational activities don't get in the way of squeezing the most out of every millisecond of your life from no...
A message from Pres. Roth
Empty Thesis Carrels A Haven for Druggies and Wild Animals

This spring’s slackadisical seniors have neglected to clear out and secure their thesis carrels, says a new report from Public Safety, and t...
Roth’s Workout Obsession

As any tour guide worth their mettle will be glad to tell you, President Roth likes to maintain an active and visible presence aro...
A brief Q&A with Michael Roth
A Message from Dean Whaley

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