This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Save Time By Staycationing

The vacation is dead. In vogue: the staycation. “Much like the Pussycat Dolls, vacations are on their way out,” said Wesleyan professor Deb Olin Funferth, author of Staycation. “Why would anyone ever go on vacation when you can so easily be on vacation every single second of every day?”

With the realization that it takes little more than a change in attitude to max out every day of your college experience, the Ampersand respectfully suggests a few ways you can get the absolute most out of your time at Wesleyan by staycationing all over campus all the goddamn time.

The Butthole
The Butterfields’ answer to the WestCo courtyard. The up-and-coming Butthole scene will soon play host to Buru Style and other WestCo regulars. “I prefer the Butthole,” said Max Nussbaum ’12. “Everyone there really dug my Kanye Halloween costume.”

The Batting Cages
For a romantic afternoon at the base of scenic Foss Hill, bring that special someone to the Foss Hill batting cages for a few hours of batting practice in a cage. A great way to have fun outdoors! Wear a jock strap to protect yourself.

Wash’s answer to SoHo. Check out the Jews!

Remove a plumbing grate! Break a window! Do whatever necessary to sneak your way inside this treasure trove of garbage.