This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

1/26/10

The Editor Calls for Maximalization

THIS ISSUE OF THE AMPERSAND IS ALL ABOUT GETTING THE MOST OUT OF EVERYTHING IN LIFE BY NEVER GIVING UP AND ALWAYS FIGHTING FOR THE GOLD AND NOT LETTING ANYBODY HOLD YOU BACK FROM ANYTHING AND ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WHICH IS 100 PERCENT AND SOMETIMES YOU FEEL TIRED OR WEAK BUT FUCK THAT BECAUSE YOU GOTTA PUSH THROUGH IT TO SCORE WHEN IT COUNTS LIKE TIGER WOODS AND MICHAEL JORDAN AND MICHAEL PHELPS BECAUSE THEYRE ALL FUCKING ALLSTARS SERIOUSLY THEY NEVER BACK DOWN AND ALWAYS STAY STRONG SOMETIMES I DONT MAKE THE MOST OUT OF EVERYTHING BUT DONT TELL ANYONE OR I WILL ELIMINATE YOU ANYWAY BACK TO THE POINT I JUST THINK EVERYONE DOESNT GET IT AND HOW YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF EVERYTHING BY EXTREME MEANS IF NECESSARY WHICH SOMETIMES IS TAKING IT TOO FAR BUT I DIDNT SAY IT WOULD BE EASY SO SPREAD THE WORD AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE LISTENS TO YOU IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE THEN THEYLL KNOW HOW SERIOUS YOU FUCKING ARE AND THEN YOULL WIN

DAVE DAVE DAVE