This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


P-Safe Officers Mistaken for TDF Participants Dressed as P-Safe Officers

CAPS and Public Safety released a joint statement this week asking that students not dress like Psafe officers for the upcoming “Tour de Franzia” event. This plea comes in light of a year-long attempt to rehabilitate four officers who, caught up in chaos of the evening, mistook one another for student-participants wearing cheap cop costumes. 

The four unnamed officers, who had been advised against chasing intoxicated students, reportedly met outside of Exley Science Center and proceeded to harass one another for nearly an hour.  After demanding  WesID cards and trying to tear off each other’s mustaches to no avail, they stood in a circle with their video cameras out and repeatedly shouted, “You think you’re really funny, huh?” and “Where did you even get that uniform?”

Things took a turn for the weird when the officers became convinced of their accusers’ claims that they were, in fact, Wesleyan students. The four grown men sprinted off join to the debauchery, howling “Fuck the Po-lice,” and “You’re not even a real cop!” They were discovered the next morning by RAs and their fellow officers, passed out in Clark Lounge under the ping-pong table. 

In the months since last May, CAPS has been working with the woefully mistaken officers to reestablish their former identities, but the process has been slow-going. The men continue to attend Hewitt pregames and DKE parties and become bewildered when the events disperse upon their arrival.