This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Michael Roth’s Birthday Wishlist, April 2012

— Copy of Kari’s new book about animals with underlines already in it
— Gift certificate to Thai Garden
— New assistant/best friend (send out application for job candidates familiar w/ Kant, Hegel, HuffPo styleguide) 
— Gary Trudeaus head on plater
— cooler nametags fo wesfest
— Steely Dan for spring fling (possible to add 4th act last minute??)
— Backscratcher massage thingy to scratch back when Kari refuses
— Carole King In Concert DVD (song about “pave paradise parking lot??”)
— Giant picture of me in south college (+ maybe exley)
— The Whey Station (keep staff; move cart to front yard?)
— Bonnie Iver CDs???
— New dog: nicer to Dave Pesci?
— Permission to ring tower bells
— Building bigger than Usdan named “Roth”