This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


An E-mail Home

hey mom & dad,
orientation was really fun. one of the things i went to was bend it at beckham. i thought they were just going to show that movie about the soccer lesbians? lame right? but actually it was a dance party where everyone bends their gender. (you wouldn’t get it, but the girls dress like lil wayne and the guys wear like, tight skirts and a boner) a boob touched me, so pretty fun. basically saw some dude (?) receiving dome i think. dad, dont tell mom what dome is. one night even my roommate was like “freshman orientation? more like sexual orientation” haha. but then he told me he heard what dad said about his west side story posters when we were unpacking?thanks…. not. anyway, in general the girls i talked to so far seemed DTF and smart/nice. dad, don’t tell mom what DTF is. one thing though is i walked into the bathroom when my RA was getting out of the shower….. really big areolas, kind of weird/gross. talk about the real world. so yeah, i actually am learning a lot. i miss you guys kind of, except gram-gram, who was really mean to me for some reason when we left on move in day. tell her i said she can go genderfuck herself, my ipad is cool. (chill its not a swear- will explain later.)
- jon