This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Public Safety Alert: Danger Lurking at Wesfest

Public Safety would like to alert the community that prefrosh season is upon us. It is important for all students to familiarize themselves with the warning signs of potentially dangerous prefrosh encounters. These beasts are often observed travelling in packs, accompanied by what seem to be older, more neurotic prefrosh. They are also usually seen carrying around handfuls of brochures and information sheets: nesting materials. Be aware that prefrosh are especially inclined to sleep on the floors of inhabited dorm rooms. Should you find a prefrosh living in your room, keep in mind that it is just as afraid of you as you are of it.

You may have noticed groups of prefrosh being led around by Wesleyan students: please understand that these students are specially trained to handle big groups of these wild creatures. Please do not approach any of these groups, because the prefrosh could become startled and attack the group leader in its confusion, or harm itself. Topics of conversation that could provoke an advance by a prefrosh include standardized test scores, the Brown waitlist, and especially Justin Bieber. Finally, remember that the prefrosh is a majestic animal, beautiful and horrifying at the same time. They are essential to the local ecology, and attempts to exterminate prefrosh are strongly discouraged. For this reason, Public Safety has set up enclosed drop sites at Admissions where prefrosh can be held and safely released back into the wild. The cooperation of the student body in this matter is appreciated.