This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Student Rages Hard in Egypt

Joshua Silver ’12 stumbled across a “really happening scene” recently while studying abroad in Egypt.

After going out clubbing on the night of February 24 and ingesting a “shit-ton” of hallucinogens, Josh passed out in Tahrir Square. A lively crowd awakened him the next morning.

“They were all yelling and chanting, and I was like, yes! This is what I came for—crazy Arabic ragers!” said Silver, a Government major. “So I joined in. It was really loud. They were staying stuff in Egyptian, but I don’t speak that, so I kept pumping my fist and jumping.”

Silver reported that the mob rivaled any mosh pit that he’s seen at Eclectic, even the one when Titus Andronicus came.

“Maybe they were upset about the DJ?” Silver guessed. “This NubaRock guy? I couldn’t hear the music that well.”

Josh had “handfuls” of drugs on his person, and he continued to ingest mind-altering substances throughout the next two weeks. He did not remain in the square the whole time, instead choosing to “find the party” at whatever new sites seemed most “alive.” Silver remembers punching “some old white guy” in the face. He said the man was holding a microphone and seemed to represent the Establishment, an institution that Silver despises.

“There was some crazy shit going down,” said Silver. “Cars and water and police. Like Egyptian Woodstock.”

The university student did his best to fit in by copying the gestures of young people around him and shouting requests for his most beloved dubstep tracks, such as “Around The World” and “Sandstorm.” His drug- and bass drop-induced haze did not abate until Sunday afternoon.

“Sure, I probably missed some classes, but this is what study abroad is all about,” said Silver. “Getting to know the people and places of Cairo. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”