This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Film Board to Postpone Controversial Film Series

This week, Wesleyan’s Film Board announced the indefinite postponement of the much anticipated Roman Polanski pornography series, entitled “Kiddies on Kamera.” Mr. Polanski, who achieved critical acclaim for such films as Rosemary’s Baby and Chinatown, was slated to appear in person at the Goldsmith Family Cinema to introduce the selections—which included Rosemary’s Preteen, Vaginatown, and other masterful underage titles. The Polish-born filmmaker backed out at the last minute.
“These films—their striking aesthetic technique and brooding mise-en-scène—have much to offer any serious scholar of cinema, as well as the filthy Europeans,” noted Jeanine Basinger, chair of the Film Studies Department.

Mr. Polanski cancelled under mysterious circumstances on September 26, citing a sudden, powerful desire to spend more time with his family—“twenty years to life,” he specified. But, Ms. Basinger adds, he did agree to come “if we promised a secret, noise-proof attic to live in. He says his fans sometimes dress in police costumes and harass him.”

In related news, the Wesleyan University Press is pleased to announce the 2010 publication of Polanski’s upcoming tell-all book, If I Hit It.