This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Michael Roth: President, Professor, Ball Buster

Here’s a list of things that Roth has actually said while lecturing for his class,
“The Past on Film.”

Roth on Philosophy: “We’re nihilists, man. We don’t believe in anything. Let’s go see Das Racist.”

Roth on Hipsters: “I’m told being a hipster is wearing a scarf—is that right?”

Roth on Undergraduate Housing: “If you’re majoring in Death, you should probably live in the Butts.”

Roth on Student Publications: “Can you imagine if The Argus didn’t have to resort to character assassinations of Assistant Professors and could just accuse people of being Nazis?”

Roth on Greek Life: “Anyone here in Eclectic? Right, P-Safe is waiting outside.”

Roth on Mass Conspiracy: “Every college has an a cappella group now. I think it’s a conspiracy to keep you politically inactive—you just sit around going, ‘Aaaah, oooh!’”

Roth on the Supernatural: “What’s telepathy?” [silence] “Right!”

Roth on Romance: “We were married a year later, which was no easy thing considering I was already married. This’ll happen to you someday—maybe not at Eclectic.”

Roth on Distraction: “We have been indoctrinated in a culture of distraction—excuse me for a minute.” [checks cell phone]