This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


To the birthday boy and Wesleyan at large

The Ampersand is throwing a party for our favorite Jewish-American academic! And everyone is invited! Come eat some veal and play Twister with us as we commemorate this special day, and celebrate our favorite 16th President of Wesleyan! It’s all going down Thursday at PAC, from 9 p.m. to question mark. As you might expect, there will be plenty of fun snacks and sphincter-tingling activities, including an appearance by the third most popular plus-sized stripper troupe in Middletown: Wash Yo Ass! Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire. We booked Justin Bieber and baked him into a cake, just for you, Michael! We at the Ampersand have even been doing serious journalistic research and source-citing (we hacked his e-mail) to determine some of Michael’s favorite party games. So, come on down and press your boobs against a wet pane of glass, or sip on some antifreeze! It’s sure to be a great time, especially because the party can’t get busted by PSafe. See you there, Mikey!