According to reliable sources close to the family, Janine Fisher P ’15 is planning to pretty much just completely ruin WesFest for her son, Alexander Fisher ’15.
“It’s fucking unbelievable,” said Alexander. “She wants to ‘accompany’ me to the Queer Nippleplay WESeminar. What the fuck, mom.”
“I told Alexander of course he may stay over with a current Wesleyan pupil,” Ms. Fisher explained. “But why is it so unreasonable for his uncle Paul to stay over, too? He’s one of the boys. He can even bring his Gameboy Color.”
Ms. Fisher claims she is not being overprotective.
“Safety is just my number one priority during WesleyanFest,” she added. “Alexander knows he’s allergic to green beans and SPF 60+ sunblock, but what if he forgets? College kids just get so carried away what with their smoking drugs and watching sex videocassettes.”