This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

4/15/11

WesFest Calendar

12:00 AM – ???
Naked Arm Wrestling Battle Royale For Waitlisted Students
Meet other waitlisted students. Fight to the death.
Location: The Tomb

1:00 PM – 2:00 PM
Buddhism For White People
Learn how to appropriate superficial elements of Buddhist philosophy into your depraved, materialistic lifestyle like the self-serving, narcissistic asshole you are.
Location: Buddhist Temple

3:00 PM – 3:30 PM
Das Racist Walking Tour
Visit the WestCo toilet stall where Himanshu Suri conceived “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell,” along with other historic locations.

2:00 PM – 4:00 PM
English Dept Dunk Tank
Location: Russell House

2:00 PM – 4:00 PM
Esteemed Medievalist Gary Shaw’s Son’s Birthday Party
Join us as we voyage to Professor Shaw’s family home in Meriden and surprise-visit his four-year-old son’s birthday party! Brownies and ice cream cake provided, BYOWB (Bring Your Own Weed Butter).
Location: Gary Shaw’s house

3:00 PM – 4:30 PM
WESeminar: What Organs Should You Sell to Pay For Your Wesleyan Education?
The Biology Department and the Office of Financial Aid join to bring you this seminar in how best to finance your Wesleyan education. Come with two kidneys—leave with one!
Location: PAC 001

4:20 PM – 6:00 PM
Stargazing Session on Foss with Cheez-Its
Location: Foss Hill

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM
ED Student Mingle
Meet and commiserate with other students who are unable to achieve erections.
Location: Office of Admissions patio

6:00 PM – 6:30 PM
International Students Tour of Neon Deli
A multicultural tour of Wesleyan’s friendliest deli.
Location: Neon Deli

10:30 PM – 2:00 AM
Steampunk at Beta
Steampunk? More like Steamcrunk, amiright?
Location: Beta

12:00 AM – god-knows-when
Prefrosh-Senior Mixer
This is a fun and safe place for prefrosh and seniors to meet and mingle!
Location: DKE