This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


The Editor On Ransom Notes

When it comes to getting what you want, ransom notes are the most reliable conduit. I leave ransom notes almost everywhere I go. “I’ve taken your little sibling hostage and am feeding him or her a dangerous amount of cotton, even for a resilient 10 year-old. Call this number for instructions.” It’s fantastic. I’ve gotten a free computer that way, a few dozen boxes of Teddy Grahams, even a waterbed. Plus, it strengthens family bonds. I remind people of what’s important in life: family. It’s an invaluable service, the way I see it. On the other hand, when ransom notes fall into the wrong hands, society crumbles like the Teddy Grahams I smash with my computer.