When it comes to getting what you want, ransom notes are the most reliable conduit. I leave ransom notes almost everywhere I go. “I’ve taken your little sibling hostage and am feeding him or her a dangerous amount of cotton, even for a resilient 10 year-old. Call this number for instructions.” It’s fantastic. I’ve gotten a free computer that way, a few dozen boxes of Teddy Grahams, even a waterbed. Plus, it strengthens family bonds. I remind people of what’s important in life: family. It’s an invaluable service, the way I see it. On the other hand, when ransom notes fall into the wrong hands, society crumbles like the Teddy Grahams I smash with my computer.