This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.


Mytheos Holt: Role Model For No One

For too long now, Mytheos Holt has been the self-designated (and universally accepted) voice of conservatism on campus. It is time, now, for the Ampersand to speak out against this claim. Mytheos’ politics are a disgusting mix of damnable lies and deceit— in other words, too liberal for the values that the Ampersand its loyal readers share. The Ampersand denounces Mytheos and his left-wing rhetoric on the following grounds:

- He has driven a Prius.
- He is unmarried.
- He does not believe that Apple’s new iPad is a miracle from
- Once every few months or so, he won’t wear his Republican
- He goes to Wesleyan.

As Mytheos has long held the importance of his presence in Wesleyan political discourse to be based on their controversial nature, the Ampersand argues that its statements are therefore even more important. We demand that on-campus conservatives no longer accept Mytheos as their unofficial speaker and instead revise their statements to be as outrageous as ours.
(Note: Although Mytheos has argued that his readers should not conflate his politics with either religious fundamental or being a general asshole, the Ampersand suggests that ‘conflate’a stupid college-y word that makes the user sound like a douche.)